For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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