i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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