...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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