he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
