I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
