i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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