I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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