I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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