Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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