I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
