Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't turn off my feet"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
