So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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