i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
