You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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