I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
