So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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