I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
