Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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