i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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