Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
