he wants to bone in the snuggie
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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