How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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