Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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