i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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