He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
