I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
