3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
