i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
