ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
