She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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