In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
