the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
