Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
