What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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