...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
