Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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