this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
In America we eat man semen.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
