Four minutes until I can fart!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
