Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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