The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
