Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
