If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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