They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
