Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
