I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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