im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am midnight drunk by noon
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
