You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she told me i tasted like america
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
