tell your sister to shave her snatch
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
