He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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