I feel like abortions should bother me more
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
