i just had sex bonerless
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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