Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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