true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
