i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
