the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
