A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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