If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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