it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She's the barista slut.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
